Tuesday, 20 December 2011

One of those Days

Today I woke up, covered in sweat and trying to work out reality from the awful images that seconds before had consumed my head.  He's done, moved on, completely over it, and worse than that? their official, hand in hand, boyfriend and girlfriend.

And I'm sitting here, panting, still having dreams/ nightmares about him and his new me.  Why can't I move on? I keep convincing myself theirs no one worth while out there and my new man option just hasn't come along.  All of those man options and no one worth while...really? 

My sister spent the last 5 years getting over her x boyfriend who brutally dumped her for a younger version of herself.  His mother died early this year and she came to his rescue, all the way till her funeral where he completely ignored her whilst clinging desperately to the new her.  That was it, the slap in the face she needed to finally forget and move on, one month later, and she has a fully comital, loving relationship with a wonderful boy.  

So what if these man options previously listed are suitable options and I just won't let myself consider them? I'm still stuck in the 'I'm a girlfriend already, so please leave me alone' phase.  I'm not a girlfriend, I'm not in love, I've not moved on.  So what should I do to finally get out of this love slump? I'm so bored of it, I stalked his Facebook page today and felt that hot burning feeling that I felt the first time he dumped me.  Please God make it end, its horrible, I just need a man that will stay, won't be mean and won't bail at the first whisper of long term commitment.  

So I'm sending out an official plea, please please please send me someone to get me over this and take away this burning sensation.  In public I insist that a man would intrude on my independence and wouldn't be welcome, but here, I'll admit openly, I need a man.  

So please God, send me 2012 with new hope and a man, a real man 


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