"Hi, I know we arranged to meet this Sunday but I've got a mate round so I'm going to have to cancel, how about I make it up to you by taking you for a date on Tuesday."
Two days later...
"Hi, sorry I'm feeling a little ill and have loads of work so I might not be able to make it tomorrow, I'll txt you before to let you know."
When did we become so dispensible men feel they can offer a meet up and then cancel or attempt to rearrange last minute...all the time?
"Actually, I've been invited out by friends, so I'll do that instead, lets just meet up some other time"
...Aka, 'you dick, you actually think I've got nothing better to do with my evening then wait by the phone for your call? Please, I actually have a social life, so bugger off and don't come back till you have a worth while enough offer for me to consider you again.'
Ofcourse men do not get this subtle under lined message, if on occasion they do, they suddenly turn into their five year old selves after their mother threatened to take away their favorite toy and give it to the boy next to them.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong, I go over and over past events trying to work out what my down fall was. On this occasion the above events were to a friend of mine rather than me, for once. Suddenly I stopped going over my history with Henry and felt a momentary sense of confidence, it's not me, its them. If this seemingly regular Manchester man can dismiss this size six, long legged perfection then the insanity must be theirs. Another friend of mine also had a date cancelled a matter of hours before meeting with just a simple "sorry, realised I'm busy tonight, might be able to make it around 11pm though?", simple response to that, "maybe not".
Why do we sit down and loose confidence in ourselves when we are quite obviously not the ones at fault? I sometimes find myself breathing in when I pass mirrors, or pulling that stupid mirror face so many of us have. I then make a personal note to loose a stone, lather myself in fake tan and invest in a wig. I've always told myself I'll grow out of it, but a decade on and the self criticism has only become more consuming, with only minutes or hours of contentment in each day. If my own attempts at training my thoughts to be slightly more positive have failed so miserably, I think I'm finally open to other options and suggestions. We had a session with a life coach yesterday and whilst I found her 'happy happy' presentation unbearable, she had a very good point, we can't control what others do but we can change and control ourselves. I would like to change my cynical ways and become a slightly more optimistic person, but I just don't see that happening. My mother has a saying "hope for the best, plan for the worst", however without realising I had unconsciously changed it into my own personal life long mantra "hope for the best, expect the worst". Optimism isn't my forte.
My sister is celebrating her 28th birthday today and is being taken out by her brand new boyfriend after five birthdays of singlehood and living at home. They say time heals all and age brings wisdom, well I'm only 23 so maybe this is all to come.
Heres to finding out